'Illegal' is such a harsh word -- let's just call them 'uninvited'

Details of President Bush's plan to deal with illegal immigration:

• “Invisible fence” that triggers a mild electric shock as immigrants cross border.
• Great Wall of China, except in America.
• Start calling illegal immigrants who’ve already moved here “extra very special guests.”
• Giant green door with sign, “Bell Out of Order -- Please Knock.”
• Moat.
• Offer huge tax cuts to illegal immigrants who agree to leave right away, no questions asked.
• When Mexico and Canada aren’t looking, move America to giant crystal structure in the Arctic (“Operation Fortress of Solitude”).
• Hire French guys to throw cows at them when they try to get in.
• Teach all real Americans the secret password.
• Giant invisible force field.