- Hermione officially switches to her Kaballah name, Esther.
- A strange spell turns all the major characters sullen and lanky.
- Key line of dialogue: “Goblet of Fire … Goblet … Of course! Ron, Hermione -- it’s not Goblet … it’s Giblets!” (Cue giant, three-headed turkey.)
- Voldemort reveals he is Harry’s father; mother was Natalie Portman.
- Something fishy about that new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher …
- Actor who played Ron (above) replaced by guy who played Napoleon Dynamite.
- Hagrid … gay?
- Turns out the lightning-shaped scar actually a temporary tattoo.
- Climax is battle to the death among Harry Potter, Col. Potter from "M*A*S*H" and Mr. Potter from “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Harry wins, mostly because the other guys are wicked old.
Monday, November 07, 2005
And then JK Rowling comes out at the end and admits that, yes, she is trying to convert the world's children to satanism
Secrets of the new "Harry Potter" movie: