Monday, November 07, 2005

And then JK Rowling comes out at the end and admits that, yes, she is trying to convert the world's children to satanism

Secrets of the new "Harry Potter" movie:
  • Hermione officially switches to her Kaballah name, Esther.
  • A strange spell turns all the major characters sullen and lanky.
  • Key line of dialogue: “Goblet of Fire … Goblet … Of course! Ron, Hermione -- it’s not Goblet … it’s Giblets!” (Cue giant, three-headed turkey.)
  • Voldemort reveals he is Harry’s father; mother was Natalie Portman.
  • Something fishy about that new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher …
  • Actor who played Ron (above) replaced by guy who played Napoleon Dynamite.
  • Hagrid … gay?
  • Turns out the lightning-shaped scar actually a temporary tattoo.
  • Climax is battle to the death among Harry Potter, Col. Potter from "M*A*S*H" and Mr. Potter from “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Harry wins, mostly because the other guys are wicked old.


Amy said...

That was great! I have to send that to my Potter friends. Hopefully they can take a joke... :)

Anonymous said...

I knew it!!!

Thanks for proving me right.