Monday, November 07, 2005

And then JK Rowling comes out at the end and admits that, yes, she is trying to convert the world's children to satanism

Secrets of the new "Harry Potter" movie:
  • Hermione officially switches to her Kaballah name, Esther.
  • A strange spell turns all the major characters sullen and lanky.
  • Key line of dialogue: “Goblet of Fire … Goblet … Of course! Ron, Hermione -- it’s not Goblet … it’s Giblets!” (Cue giant, three-headed turkey.)
  • Voldemort reveals he is Harry’s father; mother was Natalie Portman.
  • Something fishy about that new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher …
  • Actor who played Ron (above) replaced by guy who played Napoleon Dynamite.
  • Hagrid … gay?
  • Turns out the lightning-shaped scar actually a temporary tattoo.
  • Climax is battle to the death among Harry Potter, Col. Potter from "M*A*S*H" and Mr. Potter from “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Harry wins, mostly because the other guys are wicked old.


Amy said...

That was great! I have to send that to my Potter friends. Hopefully they can take a joke... :)

Kyle said...

Hah very funny.

Underachiever said...

In order to get more older viewers they added a special guest stars:

the Great Gazoo from the Flinstones.

and Matlock. He is Harry's Chief Counsel.

Which coincidently is also Rocky VI's Chief Counsel.


Anonymous said...

I knew it!!!

Thanks for proving me right.

Rilla said...

I don't get why kids like "Harry Potter". Or maybe they don't.

I was just blog surfing while waiting for "Boston Legal" to come on and came across your entertaining blog. How ironic!!! What's the take in Boston on "Boston Legal"?

smudge said...

Boston Legal.. well as far as -Boston- goes... other than that camera pan of the city have they ever filmed anything here? No. Now while ANYTHING to do with William Shatner is immediately a classic - just read the TEK series of books if you doubt me! - I can not say I am a big fan of the show. Mostly because I can't find it - Everytime I think I have the right channel at the right time they're playing an old Murphy Brown rerun. What's up with that?