There are lots of things nobody tells you about before you have kids. And I'm not just talking about those sights and smells from the early years that come back to you long after your children are out of diapers, making you jolt upright in bed like an old soldier flashing back to Tipperary.
No, I'm talking about the realization that, despite all the time and effort you put into feeding and clothing them and bringing them to blow wildly expensive bubbles at Gymboree, kids eventually grow to be little spies reporting all of your family secrets to the highest bidder, or at least anybody who seems the least bit interested.
That's right, moms and dads: Don't look now, but you're living with Donnie Brasco.
To read the rest of this week's AT LARGE by Peter Chianca, click here.
When my nine-year-old was in preschool, back when we didn't have to wake up before 11:00, we used to let her stay up with us until one or two in the morning. Her teachers once asked her what she did so late at night. She told them she watched adult TV with her parents.
I was baby-sitting my ~9 yr old niece one night, and figured I'd watch some TV after I put her to bed. Surfed across some fairly risque show on cable that was vaguely about the way a man's mind works. It followed the main character through a generic, middle-class day, letting us know what he was thinking at strategic moments. Usually he was thinking about sex [big surprise]. I've never run across another reference to it, and I don't have the foggiest notion what it was called.
Then I settled in for an episode of Buffy. My niece ran in screaming, demanding that I turn it off. When her parents picked her up, she tearfully told them I'd spent the entire evening watching porn and horror movies.
In the 7 years since, they haven't asked me to watch her again.
My husband worked nights when the kids were little, so they weren't really aware of his occupation, as he left and returned as they slept. He caught his Z's during the day.
When questioned about what Daddy does, they responded "sleep". (The teachers must have thought I was married to Rip Van Winkle LOL)
There is a certain amount of redemptive satisfaction in blogging about the goofy things THEY do now - (like wearing a cat LOL)
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