Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Does Jesus know about this?

When I heard that a British reverend had written an abbreviated version of the Bible that can be read in 100 minutes, I couldn't help but think, how do you decide what gets left out? Focus groups? I can see the comment cards now:
  • "Dude, I was snoozing during all those begats."
  • "When that Job guy got all the sores? Ew."
  • "Mark, John, Luke -- one version is enough, for crying out loud!"
  • "I think four days and four nights would be plenty. I mean we get it, it was wet."
  • "More Sodom & Gomorrah! More Sodom & Gomorrah!"
  • "Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego -- it takes about 10 minutes just to get through those names. What's wrong with Moe, Larry and Curly?"
  • "That whale would be a lot cooler if it was a killer whale."
  • "Come on, 40 years in the desert? I mean we get it, it was hot."
  • "Cut that whole 'God created the heavens and the earth' part down to two days and you've got yourself a hit on your hands."
  • "That Revelations stuff ... I don't know, I think that could have waited for the sequel."

1 comment:

smudge said...

So someone finally got around to publishing the CliffNotes for it. Can't you see all the priests in training sneaking out of the seminary and down to the bookstore?

Or is this the Complete Idiot's Guide to the Bible?

Or maybe it works like the play - The Complete Works of Shakespeare - Abridged???

Does he have a 1 minute version where everyone just runs in and gets smote while a bunch of people in the background are begat'in it on? A guy in red falls down a hole with a bunch of his buddies, a chick eats an apple wearing only a snake, someone runs around with a whale, the stage gets flooded, a bunch of people get turned into salt, and at the end everybody dies horribly then get back up and dance around before taking a bow.
All set to the Benny Hill chase music. Now thats religion!