Thursday, August 18, 2005

They were finally issued after months
of grueling tests with Christina Aguilera

You've got to hand it to the British. First they made all those amazing advances in tea, and now they've issued their soldiers germ-fighting underwear. If only I'd had those in the fifth grade, my entire social life might have been different. I'd rather not get into the details.

But the underwear does more than keep germs out of your underpants, which, frankly, would probably be enough. According to a representative of the Ministry of Defense, the underwear "is coated to prevent bacterial infection and we have tried to arrange the seams so that they don't chafe." This would come in especially handy in foxholes, or for civilians, spending an entire playoff season glued to your couch in the same shorts and lucky "Pat Patriot" T-shirt.

Meanwhile, it's safe to assume that terrorists are cursing this blow to their plan to give the entire free world a nasty rash.


Anonymous said...

But can you get ones that look like a little Spider-Man outfit? That would be cool.

Jamie said...

Are they going to come up with something for their kilt-wearing Scottish regiments? I mean, underwear certainly isn't going to do THEM any good.

mrs. awesome said...

right, because troops aren't worried about other men with guns, just about chafing, redness, and irritation. now i can sleep better at night.