Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Unfortunately, 'Kal-El' is already taken

Highlights from Tom Cruise's inevitable upcoming Today show interview regarding his impending baby with fiancee Katie Holmes:

  • "I know diapers, Matt. I‘ve powdered tushes, OK? Have you ever powdered a tush, Matt?"
  • "Please, Matt, Don't try to tell me about Barney. I know Barney, OK? I‘ve worn the Barney suit, Matt, I didn't just sit around talking about it. Did you ever wear a Barney suit, Matt? Or do you just talk about it on TV?"
  • "Don't talk to me about spit up, Matt. Have you ever even spit up? Because I've spit up, Matt. And for you to insinuate that spit-up is no big deal ... You're very glib, Matt. Very, very glib. And facile. Glib and facile. Matt."
  • "Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt. Do you even know what's in Gerber Rice with Apple Bits and Cereal Crisps, Matt? Have you ever done a chemical analysis of those bits and crisps? Because that's what I did. I built a lab in my basement and tested those bits and crisps myself. Until you've tested those bits and crisps Matt, I don't think it's responsible for you to be on the Today show talking about Gerber Rice with Apple Bits and Cereal Crisps."
  • "Now I'm going to jump up and down and sing a little fatherhood song. Don’t talk to me about jumping up and down, Matt. Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt."


Danny Boy, FCD said...

Hahaha! Funny stuff! Tom is a wacko and should be committed in a psychiatric ward. Oops, he doesn't believe in psychiatry. My bad!

opiatedsherpa said...

*Standing ovation*

The burn-a-thon continues...

Bar L. said...

Hilarious. I just heard this news. Did you hear anything about the Scientolgy birth method????

Anonymous said...

Amazing...from someone who is supposedly sterile and someone who was going to remain a virgin until marriage..."Tom Cruise’s new lady love has reportedly said that she wants to remain a virgin until she gets married", from this site... Guess in Scientology they can just do things thru osmosis??? That power of positive thinking it getting a bit out of hand.

Guess he KNOWS about lying too!! Hope she doesn't get post partum depression or he'll find out first hand about all sorts of things he really doesn't know anything about.