Well, we can all rest easy now that Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria has declared that her boyfriend, NBA star Tony Parker, is super-fantabulous in the bedroom, bringing her to new heights of ecstasy every night with little to no effort. This should put a stop to the street riots and stock market crashes that occurred when Longoria told Allure magazine that Parker was so inexperienced he thought foreplay had something to do with golf.
Meanwhile, I remain shocked -- shocked! -- that TV stars and NBA players are having sexual relations out of wedlock. Next someone will tell me that nice Snoop Dogg is smoking the demon weed.