Maybe it's me, but I've never thought of my kids as what you'd call "useful." Sure, they bring joy and happiness and all that, but they don't really contribute to the well-being of the household like, say, a RotoTiller or a Roth IRA.
I realize when they're older we can assign them certain mundane tasks like mowing the lawn, but they'll probably do that about as well as I did in my youth, when I was known to mow in a circle for 45 minutes in an attempt to run over a garden slug that turned out to be a pretzel. I suppose anything's better than now, though: All this "Feed me! Clothe me!" stuff gets old pretty fast.
That's why I have to hand it to Michele Hutchison, a 26-year-old expectant mother in Philadelphia who apparently is seeking bids on eBay to put advertising on her new baby. This is bound to be far more attractive to corporations than sneaking up on babies and stamping logos on their foreheads, which is still awaiting sign-off from legal.
Read the rest of this week's At Large by Peter Chianca here.