Friday, June 10, 2005

Get some exercise! Unlike
their chickens, which are in
pens the size of a Filet o' Fish box


Look, Susie! I can still kick the ball, despite having
just ingested the equivalent of 12 pounds of lard!

In the good news-bad news department: The good news is that, according to a press release from McDonald's corporate headquarters, "Ronald McDonald is expanding his role as a global ambassador of fun, fitness and children's well-being. McDonald's® Chief Happiness Officer™ Ronald® is inspiring and encouraging kids and families around the world to eat well and stay active, or as he likes to say, 'it's what i eat and what i do™ ... i'm lovin' it.™'" The bad news is, McDonald's is still turning our nation's children into bloated freaks who sweat grease from every pore. So it's kind of a toss-up.

I'll admit that on the one hand, I have very fond memories of McDonald’s from my youth, when I could eat an entire Quarter Pounder in three minutes in a moving car and be left with nothing more than a satisfied, meaty feeling. But that memory stands in direct contrast to what happened a few weeks ago, when I ate a handful of fries and almost immediately felt like someone had shellacked the inside of my cheeks with Crisco.

I keep going there, however, because I have kids, and McDonald’s has the Happy Meal. This is the meal that comes with a little plastic toy — even the finest restaurants don’t give you one of those.

Anyway, when you see the new commercials featuring Ronald "playing basketball with NBA superstar Yao Ming," I hope it encourages you to go out and do something healthy. Like hand a whupping to a freakish man-clown.

16 comments:

SeniorGato said...

Well, your right, it's terrible for you. But at least they are finally changing a bit. I mean, even I stopped eating as much fast food and gave up completely Krispy Kreme... They need to change with the times I suppose.

Miklos said...

First Cookie Monster sells out and starts preaching that cookies are "sometimes food" and now this.

Jeez!

*Wisher* said...

Yah, read about this Macdonald's new image change to engage more physical exercise to the kids in the papers here in Singaproe today. Well, i do agree with you that Macdonald's are a fun place to be when we were younger. Well, i hope to see mac and yao ming advertisement soon here in singapore..

Christina said...

I like your commentary.

devin said...

I don't think mcdonalds will be around in ten years.

or at least... that's what I like to pretend.

no. dammit. it's lies. I'm a slave to the big mac. a slave.

and the ice cream cones. sweet jesus!

the Witch said...

Red pepper the kid's happy meals, tell them it's made from tele-tubbies, do anything you can to break them of this poisonous addiction.

Anonymous said...

McDonald is canceuros.

HadesGigas said...

I'll believe it when I see it. And by "it" I mean walking into a bar and seeing Ronald McDonald arm wrestle Lawrence Taylor just so they can get the girl. And by "the girl" I mean a Vietnamese transvestite hooker. (Post-op)

I'm lovin' "it"

Thaozee said...

I can't stand McDonalds anymore. They open for 24hours so the taste of it is linked now too being crazily intoxicated. Me and my friends call it 'the night ender', cause the second you bite into a quarter pounder, you can never party again untill tomorrow

Anonymous said...

If you think McD's is so bad, then don't eat it. Don't blame a business for making people fat. They don't put crack in the fries ya know. It it someone's choice to eat it.

Frangipan said...

Actually you know, if you have the maccy D salad with the salad dressing then your eating more fat than is in a big mac! So even the healthy shit isn't healthy!

Anonymous said...

"Global ambassador"? That's a bit frightening. However, maybe it's exactly what we need to spur our lethargical U.N. to action. I mean, John Bolton is one thing, but an overly-enthusiastic clown? That would curl some ties... I can see it now...

"The chair recognizes Representative McDonald"
"Oh please, silly, it's Ronald!"
"Of course... Mr. Ronald?"
"Well, I propose we spread the goodness of Corporate America, greasy obesity statistic-causing hamburgers and catchy but hip theme songs throughout the world in the form of my smilingly sadistic face. Kill an insurgent and get one free! We could have democraburgers, too, with red-white-and-blue ketchup!"
"A wonderful plan Mr. Ronald! Wow, this is so much better than doing nothing all day! I'm lovin' it!"

...If I had to choose between a nuclear apocalypse and McDonald's having any more influence over the world I would choose... oh wait, one will probably lead to the other, so what does it matter?

wGGtah said...

I like the graphics about MCdonald. Oh man, my 4 year old kid is a mcdonald happy meal addict :(!

B.C. Brammer said...

I completely agree with you! They are so dumb!

aShelteredTown said...

Hasn't anyone seen Supersize Me?

Mou said...

macdonalds... the place ot total evil. I can make any one of their burgers for 4 times cheaper, and I'm not lovin their crappy food. look what you'll become after decades of eating macdonald trash- a freaky, psychotic clown.