NEW YORK (CAP) - Growing Pains star Alan Thicke has declared recent incidents involving mysteriously dying birds and fish to be a sign of the end of the world, prompting mass panic and rioting throughout the globe.The 63-year-old actor appeared on Anderson Cooper's CNN show to rebut assertions by his Growing Pains co-star Kirk Cameron that dead-animal incidents in Arkansas, Louisiana and Sweden did not indicate that doomsday was at hand. Cooper had asked Cameron to discuss the topic on his show because the former teen idol had starred in the Left Behind series about life after The Rapture, and because every scientist and theologian in the world was apparently unavailable.
Cameron had told Cooper that "it's really kind of silly to equate birds falling out of the sky with some kind of end times theory," prompting Cooper to cock his eyebrow insouciantly. But appearing on Cooper's show last night, Thicke disagreed."The end is near!" asserted Thicke in that stuttery yet appealing Canadian cadence that audiences loved so dearly back when he was giving homespun advice to fictional children Mike, Ben, Carol and Crissie from 1985-1992.
"I don't care what Kirk says about it not meaning anything - he's just wrong," Thicke added. "Just like he was wrong when he rode a dirt bike that time he went camping with Boner, even though Maggie and I told him not to."
When Cooper - smirking slightly, not unlike whenever he had to preview his show's topic on Larry King Live - reminded Thicke that Growing Pains was a fictional show, Thicke responded, "Anderson, did I ever tell you I wrote the theme songs to both Diff'rent Strokes and The Facts Of Life?"
Thicke also pointed to last year's moving up of the famed atomic scientists' Doomsday Clock, although authorities claimed that was actually for Daylight Savings Time.
Speaking via satellite from Camp David, in a room that looked remarkably like the interior of a high-tech survival "ark" headed for the world's highest mountain range, President Barack Obama appealed for calm, siding with Kirk Cameron in the controversy.
"Just as I told you that NASA scientists had, uh, in no way determined that recent earthquakes indicated the imminent end of life on our planet, I also am not privy to any, you know, top-secret government information indicating that the dead birds and fish, uh, are a sign of a pending apocalypse," said Obama.
"Now if you excuse me, I have a very important meeting with the other heads of state who have been secreted to the survival ark under cover of darkness," Obama continued. "Uh, by which I mean, decided on a whim to visit me here at Camp David."
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