AT LARGE Fake News Wednesday: Lee DeWyze Can't Believe He Has To Make An Album

LOS ANGELES (CAP) - A week after his surprising win, American Idol champion Lee DeWyze is just now coming out of what doctors say is a state of severe shock.

"I won? I sang Beautiful Day?" DeWyze said incredulously when shown a tape of his victory show. "I was on American Idol?"

Then he slipped back into the shell-shocked look that became his trademark on this season of Idol, having to be revived with a bucket of ice water to the face.

"I have to make a whole album now?" he then asked, still dripping. "I'm a freakin' paint salesman, for crying out loud!" Then he bent over and took a series of long, deep breaths, apparently to keep from passing out.

DeWyze's victory came as a surprise to many, given that the runner-up, Crystal Bowersox, was generally considered by judges and critics to be the better performer.

"I thought Lee was great, but all he ever did backstage was hyperventilate and throw up," said Bowersox. "I'd wish him luck and he'd just stare at me like he was going to cry. Then he'd either heave or curl up in the corner and recite the Benjamin Moore paint colors."

For his part, departing Idol judge Simon Cowell says he's sure that DeWyze will get over his jitters.

"Lee is really the type of contestant the show was invented for," said Cowell. "A normal person, really a complete schlub with no discernable personality, a nobody with the worst job in the world and really a generic, marginal voice ... Hmm. Actually, come to think of it he probably shouldn't have made it past the first round."

[Read the rest at CAP News.]