Monday, January 04, 2010

AT LARGE Fake New Monday: Nation's Perverts Endorse Full-Body Airport Scanners

RENO, Nev. (CAP) - America's largest organized group of perverts and degenerates has released a statement wholeheartedly supporting plans to install full-body scanning equipment in the nation's airports.

"Any device that can prevent terrorism while at the same time allowing you to see through people's clothes is A-OK in our book," said Nigel Friedrichsen, president of the Reno-based National Association of Perverts (NAP). "That's the definition of win-win. Um ... At least our definition."

The scanners have been highly controversial, with some civil libertarians claiming the devices violate travelers' privacy by performing a "virtual strip search."

"Yes, it's true the scans do expose the full bodies of the travelers who pass through them," noted Friedrichsen. "Screeners would be able to see, say, under the brassieres of women age 16 to 35. Or into their underpants ... their frilly, lacey underpants ... Mm ... I'm sorry, what were we talking about?"

He then noted that the public shouldn't be concerned, since only airport screeners would be privy to the scans. He did acknowledge, though, that "almost 90 percent of our membership has already applied, including myself."

Also coming forward in support of the scanners is the North American Man-Boy Love Association (NAMBLA), which is lobbying for the scanning procedure to apply to children as well as adults.

"They younger, the better," said NAMBLA spokesman Bradley "Uncle Brad" White. "You never know what one of those little boys might have hidden in his briefs. No matter how long and hard you may have tried to guess."

[Read the rest at CAP News.]

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