Sure, it may seem like the end of the world is nigh, but that doesn't mean there's no good news to report. St. Louis-based Solae LLC has announced that it's perfected the hybrid hamburger. And you know what that means. That's right, a hamburger that gets more than 50 miles to the gallon. Al Gore has just ordered up a gross.
Wait, my mistake. Actually it's a hybrid of actual beef and soy protein, which means it has less fat and calories than a regular hamburger, but it doesn't taste like a piece of rubber that's been melted down and poured into a hamburger-shaped mold. Unfortunately you still have to kill the cow, which means Paul McCartney remains out of luck.
According to MSNBC, SoleCina "converts a blend of vegetable and meat protein into a meat substitute or hybrid with the consistency of cooked, whole-muscle meat." To quote Jonathan McIntyre, Solae’s vice president of research and development, “You get the chewiness and mouth-feel quality."
Suddenly I'm not so hungry.
"You get the chewiness and mouth-feel quality."
yep, that's what I'm lookin' for in a hamburger.
and "mouth-feel quality" just sounds wrong, somehow.
How did we get to this? We used to enjoy opium, prostitutes and shorter lives. But things made more sense back then. Who gives a damn about the perfect hybrid anything...? It's food. Kudos to the mouth-feel quality. Someone needs a fleshlight.
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