I get a lot of interesting press releases, but relatively few of them make me want to build a vacuum-sealed dome in my backyard. Here's one that did.
"Antibiotics Can't Stop Them," it read, "and They're Coming Our Way: ATTACK OF THE SUPER GERMS!"
Now, the first thing I noticed was that "ATTACK OF THE SUPER GERMS" was in all capital letters, presumably to drive home the point that, A) these are not your average, everyday, ordinary germs, and B) they are not just hanging around, possibly causing the occasional sniffle -- no, these germs are ATTACK-ing.
It goes on to say:
"You can catch them in hospitals, gyms, and health clubs, or even by shaking hands. They've already killed thousands in England, and they've infected victims in Australia, Russia, Egypt and Germany. Now, they are quietly spreading throughout North America, causing infections among military units, prison inmates, and sports teams. They are called Super Germs - infectious bacteria which have mutated and developed resistance to all forms of drugs, medications, and antibiotics." Granted, this is horrifying, but on the plus side it reinforces my decision not to join the army, go to jail or start a soccer team. Don't even get me started on health clubs.
Thankfully, there apparently is a solution, according to the press release: "Author of 'Natural Cures for Killer Germs' says Plant Oils May Be Our Only Hope Against Dangerous Drug Resistant Germs ." Well, that's a relief. All these years I thought I'd been squeezing the rhododendron for nothing.
Now, granted, this all may be trumped-up hyperbole by people who want us to run right out and by 'Natural Cures for Killer Germs.' Or, there may be germs percolating in this keyboard I've eaten hundreds of bags of pretzels over, just waiting for me to nod off so they can get a straight shot at my nostrils. I prefer to believe the former.
But just in case, if you need my I'll be in my dome.
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