Column: Netflix remedies our sharing shortage

Yes, my life SEEMED complete -- I was already sharing every song I listened to on Spotify and every book I read on Goodreads, so that the full breadth of my cultural savvy could be consumed instantaneously by all my friends and acquaintances. No need to thank me -- your awed admiration for my good taste is all the appreciation I need.

But I couldn’t help but feel like something was missing, and as soon as I got the press release from Netflix,  I knew what it was: a “new Netflix/Facebook integration” that “lets Netflix members see what their friends have watched.” That sound you just heard was thousands of closet “Bridalplasty” watchers fainting from embarrassment. (You know, the show where brides-to-be compete for free plastic surgery. And no, that is not a typo.)

I’ll admit I was skeptical at first, given that most Netflix press releases involve them charging you more money for less service and expecting you to thank them for it. But this time they’ve hit it right on the head: What Netflix needed was a way to share its users’ every preference, rather than, say, movie choices that are better than these actual films featured on my Netflix Instant homepage:

“Bad Ass” (2012): “Loosely based on a true incident, this tale follows a lonely Vietnam vet who bravely takes on two menacing hoods on a bus.”

“Fire When Ready” (2011): “A firefighter becomes an avenging angel when he challenges New York’s underworld with his bare hands and a hose.”

“Iron Sky” (2012): “The Nazis retreated to the moon in 1945. Now, they're launching an invasion of Earth!”

OK, one of those was fake -- but probably not the one you think. Regardless, we’ll now have the opportunity to let our online friends know the minute we’ve watched one of these fine movies, or inadvertently clicked on one of them, an occurrence familiar to anyone who’s ever accidentally watched 45 minutes of “Extreme Couponing.” (Er, not me ... other people.)

I of course signed up for this new feature immediately so that my online friends would have the benefit of seeing my “Recently Watched” queue, which currently contains the following:

1) 10 old “Walking Dead” episodes

2) That’s it.

Unfortunately, though, my friends are apparently embarrassed about their viewing habits, or inexplicably opposed to broadcasting their every move, because almost none of them have gotten on board. As a result, my ability to “connect with friends over TV shows and movies” has been sadly limited to one guy, we’ll call him Jeff, who apparently likes pretty much all the same stuff I do. So ... Way to go, Jeff!

Meanwhile, while I wait for my other friends to sign up, I thought I could suggest some additional services that could be useful if we’re really going to reach our full sharing potential as a society. For instance, something that broadcasts our prescription medications as soon as they’re filled, so people can compare notes on their ailments and treatments. (“OMG, I’m on clindamycin phosphate too!” etc.)

Or maybe our supermarket purchases, so we know whether or not our friends are buying store-brand cereals (seriously, “Crispy Hexagons”?). Or something that posts all of our bodily functions in real time, because my 11-year-old son would find this hilarious. Or how about sharing every article we read the minute we read it? Wait, they already have that? (Note to self: Stop taking those online Cosmo quizzes.)

All of these would definitely come in handy, because let’s face it: At the end of the day, we’re JUST NOT SHARING ENOUGH. If people don’t get with the program, I’m going to have to do something crazy, like make my movie decisions based on my own personal tastes. Well, and Jeff’s.

Wonder what he would think of “Bad Ass”? Er ... I just clicked on it accidentally.

AT LARGE Fake News Wednesday: Netflix To Replace Starz With '80s Teen Sex Comedies

LOS GATOS, Calif. (CAP) - Industry insiders are predicting tough times ahead for Netflix, with news of the video service losing hundreds of Starz movie and TV titles just as it increased prices this month. But Netflix executives are saying subscribers needn't worry, given the company's continual acquisition of a "treasure trove" of teenage sex comedies from the 1980s.

"Just this week we started streaming Joysticks, Zapped! and Private Lessons," noted Netflix chief executive Reed Hastings. "And there's plenty more where that came from," he added, mentioning Private School and Private Resort as two other films Netflix hopes to offer in the next year.

"Negotiations are ongoing," Hastings assures. "We hope to have all the Privates before we're done."

Hastings has been doing his best to put a good face on his company's breakdown in talks with Starz, which offered streaming of such popular hits as Disney's Tangled and the series Spartacus: Blood And Sand.

"I doubt viewers will even notice the difference," Hastings said, noting that a subscriber who searches for Tangled will get useful suggestions of similar movies to watch instantly, such as Hot Dog ... The Movie or Losin' It. And those searching for Spartacus will get similarly useful suggestions, such as Hot Dog ... The Movie or Losin' It.

"Ski School, The Last American Virgin, Hot Moves, My Tutor, they're all there," he added.

"Well, not My Tutor, but we are this close," he said, holding his thumb and forefinger very close together.

Subscribers have been up in arms since Netflix announced what amounts to a 60 percent price hike for streaming and DVD rentals, and the latest development only has them more fired up.

"WTF, Netflix? First you raise your prices, and now you're not even going to have the Starz movies?" commented VideoVixen44 on the Netflix Blog. "Now where am I going to watch The Money Pit and First Kid starring Sinbad?"

[Read the rest at CAP News.]