Massachusetts State Rock Song: Why does no one ask us about these things?

It’s a controversy the likes of which we haven’t seen since the debate over the official Massachusetts donut (Boston Crème, duh): Legislators are grappling over what classic ditty should be crowed the state’s Official Rock Song. How we’ve lived without one this long I’m not sure.

The brouhaha began when state Rep. Marty Walsh, D-Dorchester proposed the state adopt “Roadrunner” by The Modern Lovers (fronted by Natick’s Jonathan Richman) as its official rock anthem.

On the plus side, the song includes a fair number of local references and declares, “I’m in love with Massachusetts.” On the other hand, the only people who actually know this song are that small subset of rock fans who were listening to WBCN in the summer of 1976 and weren’t so high that they’ve since forgotten everything they heard.

Apparently unsatisfied with Walsh’s pick, state Reps. James Cantwell, D-Marshfield, and Josh Cutler, D-Duxbury, filed a bill Monday nominating Aerosmith’s “Dream On” for the honor. It’s obviously a slightly better known song, albeit lacking any Massachusetts-specific lyrics (or anything-specific lyrics … it’s basically just about singing, and dreaming, and more singing).


The reps cite how it was written by “Marshfield resident Steven Tyler,” but it’s worth noting that Tyler (nee Steven Tallerico) is actually … brace yourselves … a native New Yorker. (I know because my aunt went to high school with him in Yonkers. No, seriously.) Can we really have a state song written and sung by someone who grew up a Yankee fan? Also, when he sings “Dream on, dream on, dream on” at the end, windshields have been known to crack.

The other problem with these picks is they display a clear south- (and southwest-) of Boston bias. Where’s the North Shore love? It’s time one of our local legislators jumped into the fray, and I have the perfect song to do it with: “Rock and Roll Band” by Boston. I lay out the argument here:

1. It’s sung by Brad Delp, an actual native of Peabody.
2. It has a local reference, i.e. “just another band out of Boston.”
3. They may have met a sad end, but the band’s name is Boston, for crying out loud.
   
   

So listen up, candidates in the April 2 special election for Peabody’s new state rep: Better make this your first order of business, before the state loses its ability to rock!

AT LARGE Fake News Tuesday: Previously Unknown Hockey Team Discovered In Boston

BOSTON (CAP) - Thousands of Massachusetts residents are reeling this week at the discovery of a professional hockey team that has apparently been operating unnoticed in their midst for decades.

"I can't believe I never knew about this before," said Patti Johansen of Woburn, Mass., who, like most Boston-area residents, thought the state had only three professional sports teams, the Patriots, Red Sox and Celtics. "Although for a while there in the '90s, I forgot about the Celtics too."

The team, known as the "Boston Bruins," apparently in reference to a type of bear, began to appear on Boston residents' radar screens late last month after suddenly turning up in the Stanley Cup Finals.

"And they're pretty good, too," noted a clearly surprised David O'Kennedy, a Boston media critic. "I watched a few minutes of their game the other night, and that Patricia Bergeron, she was excellent."

A CAP News investigation found that the team, contrary to the popular local belief that it must have been formed sometime during the last two to three months, has actually been toiling in obscurity since 1924, and for much of that time has even had its games broadcast on local television.

"Every so often I'd flip by them on the TV, but I never stopped because I'm not a fan of skating," said Richard Vanderhaven of Cambridgeport.

Oddly enough, many of the residents who until days ago didn't know of the Bruins' existence have thrown themselves wholeheartedly behind their efforts, purchasing thousands of dollars worth of jerseys, hats, T-shirts, jewelry, tote bags, calendars and glowsticks (with lanyard).

"I'd go into Olympia [Sports, a New England sporting goods chain] and there would be this little corner with shirts with B's on them and stuff," said Jon Zincway of Dedham, decked out in a Bruins jersey, baseball cap, temporary face tattoo and foam finger while waiting in line at the TD Banknorth Garden to buy tickets for the Stanley Cup Finals last week. "If I'd known they were for an actual hockey team I would have bought all this stuff much sooner, as long as they, you know, won all the time."

[Read the rest at CAP News.]