Tuesday, August 16, 2011

AT LARGE Fake News Tuesday: Christie 'Least Scary,' 'Fattest' GOP Contender

TRENTON (CAP) - New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has been named the "least scary" potential GOP presidential contender in a USA Today/Gallup poll, with most other Republican hopefuls finishing at "genuinely frightening" or above.

Pressure on Christie to enter the race has escalated since last week's GOP debate, where every candidate on the stage induced feelings of "panic," "alarm" and/or "sheer terror" among a majority of viewers, according to the poll.

Fueling the fear factor, apparently, is President Barack Obama's dwindling approval ratings. Polling shows that if the election were held today, every one of the above-mentioned possible GOP candidates would defeat him handily, as would several dead people - including both Gerald Ford and Jesse Helms - and some inanimate objects, like rocks and chairs.

"With every point that he goes down, the likelihood that one of those crazies gets into office goes up," noted poll respondent Larry Critchendon of Newark, N.J., a longtime conservative voter who nonetheless said the entire slate of GOP contenders "makes my blood run cold, like the end of The Blair Witch Project."

"At least Christie seems like he wouldn't bring about the downfall of civilization, probably," said Critchendon. "At least not right away."

The poll also found that Christie was by far the largest of all the GOP contenders. "Well ... He's a fat dude," noted Critchendon.

[Read the rest at CAP News.]

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