The trip may be over, but I can still taste the chocolate milk and grilled cheese

Do you like the look? I'm going for
a George Hamilton kind of thing.

Ten things that occurred to me at Storyland and Santa's Village:

• Is it me, or has Humpty Dumpty has been getting busy with the Clinique Self-Tanning Body Mist?
• There’s no tantrum that can’t be cured by a few minutes in the mist tent.
• Remember when you were 14, and could go on any roller coaster or tilt-a-whirl, and it didn’t affect you at all? You’re not like that anymore.
• Judging from “The Hum Bug” ride, in which riders take turns shooting giant bugs, it seems that in New Hampshire it’s not Christmas unless you've handed a 4-year-old a plastic firearm.
• Disney can take its Splash Mountains and Towers of Terror. In the end, nothing beats a crater filled with plastic balls.
• When you walk into a theater on a humid July day, after having just heard “Oh Holy Night” over the loudspeakers for the fifth time, and watch a show in which an elf named Fruitcake sings “The Candy Man,” you think, this is what LSD must be like.
• The “Crazy Barn” is not crazy so much as nauseating.
• When maneuvering your kids through the gift shop that’s been placed strategically in front of the only exit, keep their heads down and shuffle them forward forcibly, like when running through hail.
• No matter how many rest rooms they build, there will never, ever be a potty close enough when you really need it.
• I would guess that theme park workers are probably, by capita, the most likely people in the world never to have children.