Friday, July 08, 2005

The trip may be over, but
I can still taste the chocolate
milk and grilled cheese


Do you like the look? I'm going for
a George Hamilton kind of thing.


Ten things that occurred to me at Storyland and Santa's Village:
  • Is it me, or has Humpty Dumpty has been getting busy with the Clinique Self-Tanning Body Mist?
  • There’s no tantrum that can’t be cured by a few minutes in the mist tent.
  • Remember when you were 14, and could go on any roller coaster or tilt-a-whirl, and it didn’t affect you at all? You’re not like that anymore.
  • Judging from “The Hum Bug” ride, in which riders take turns shooting giant bugs, it seems that in New Hampshire it’s not Christmas unless you've handed a 4-year-old a plastic firearm.
  • Disney can take its Splash Mountains and Towers of Terror. In the end, nothing beats a crater filled with plastic balls.
  • When you walk into a theater on a humid July day, after having just heard “Oh Holy Night” over the loudspeakers for the fifth time, and watch a show in which an elf named Fruitcake sings “The Candy Man,” you think, this is what LSD must be like.
  • The “Crazy Barn” is not crazy so much as nauseating.
  • When maneuvering your kids through the gift shop that’s been placed strategically in front of the only exit, keep their heads down and shuffle them forward forcibly, like when running through hail.
  • No matter how many rest rooms they build, there will never, ever be a potty close enough when you really need it.
  • I would guess that theme park workers are probably, by capita, the most likely people in the world never to have children.

14 comments:

ESM said...

Your writing is great it reminds me of Darlene's at http://wwjblog.blogspot.com/

Dave said...

Ya know, as I have gotten older, I have found that Roller Coasters, tilt-a-whirls, etc. don't make me sick, they just got really boring and not worth the cost of going to a theme park.

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http://projectuseless.blogspot.com

Chris Reeves said...

Your potty observation is spot on.

http://unfunnybone.blogspot.com

melsa said...

Agreed. The crazy barn thing always leaves me nauseated.

Melsa

R2K said...

:) Great page!

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http://r2000.blogspot.com

vanessa said...

some of those thoughts have never occured to me before.

jessica said...

your blog is hysterical!

No-L said...

Your blog is very entertaining. By the way, I love the look; the lipstick matches the shirt nicely.

Paul said...

I grew up in New Hampshire. I paused in a kind of horrible facination at your Dumpty.

I know I've seen this particular guy and that he scared me. Mom and Dad may have made me pose with him or something.

Oh man. I think I remember the name of that park. If I say it maybe you'll be sued for the remark about his tan, and then you'd sue me.

Marti said...

Great stories - great blog!
I'm putting you on my list of Cool Blogs!

praynlady said...

Absolutely hysterical! Great way to present it! Send this to anyone you know having children as a warning lable! haha

Rima said...

I have three kids and everything you said was true! Terrifying yet funny.

Robin Herlands said...

I practically peed in my pants reading this. although at 25, I feel my youthful innards are still impervious to the tilt a wheel... as long as I don't eat for a few days before hand. Or after. since when can you get chocolate milk at an amusement park? I bet it was 6 bucks, but worth it. -R

Chaz said...

Would that be the Santa's Villige in Dundee? Perish the thought there'd be more than one.