Even though it's in Utah, he says he'll stop at three wives, tops

Oh sure, back when I was single all my friends said they'd help me meet somebody. "I'll set you up with my cousin, who has almost all her original teeth," they'd say. Or, "Would you like to go out with my wife's friend Marnisha -- she has two more weeks before she has to get back to the Israeli Army." Or, "I know a girl who's perfect for you; she's really, really desperate."

But for whatever reason, none of them erected a billboard in my hometown soliciting women to date me. And they called themselves my friends. Bastards.

Fortunately for Lance Archibald of Linden, Utah, his friends apparently care more for him than mine did for me. They have not only set up such a billboard, but also a Web site -- www.datelance.com -- to attract women for their 31-year-old and yet somehow unmarried buddy. Now, that's what I call friendship. No, I'm not crying ... There's just something in my eye.

Anyway, I hope Lance finds what he's looking for, namely, the type of woman who'd date a guy she saw on a billboard. Or, barring that, a woman whose friends would set her up with a guy they saw on a billboard. One of those two things.