Instead, they recommended he just inject steroids directly into his cranium

Well, it was bound to happen: South Korea's baseball authorities have banned a star pitcher from wearing frozen cabbage leaves in his cap to keep cool during games. This could be a crushing blow to the cabbage industry, which was already reeling from corn beef's announcement that it was pursuing a solo career.

"Since it has become a controversy, we decided to set a limit on the boundaries of foreign substances," said a Korean Baseball Association spokesman. With that in mind, other items banned from the pitcher's mound included:

• Frozen spinach;
• Frozen lettuce;
• Frozen radicchio;
• Frozen pizza (French bread or standard crust);
• That huge pork roast that you bought because it was on sale but that, let's face it, you're never going to cook;
• Fudgsicles, popsicles, other miscellaneous sicles;
• Anything that's been left in the freezer so long it's developed a fuzzy, frozen skin;
• Gwyneth Paltrow.