You know what this other little finger could use?
A Band-Aid! Jeeves, bring one immediately!
Things we can safely say Michael Jackson is guilty of:
- Popularizing the red leather jumpsuit.
- Declaring himself "King of Pop," which, let's face it, was fairly presumptuous.
- Making J.M. Barrie roll over in his grave.
- Calling Tommy Mottola "devilish" -- this, about the man who discovered Mariah Carey!
- Baby dangling.
- "Captain Eo," which, granted, was not nearly as egregious as "Living with the Land." What a yawner!
- Holding his own nose hostage for more than 18 years.
- Prompting millions of unprepared white people to try to moonwalk, leading to advanced ankle strain.
- Poor, poor Bubbles.
- "Say, Say, Say." Enough said.