Thursday, June 02, 2005

Or you can always fall back on
the old standby, feigning death

Maybe it's me, but I find the concept of setting your own home on fire in order to get guests to leave to be not only rational, but bordering on brilliant. It beats the plan I often contemplate to get unwanted visitors out of my office, which is whipping my complimentary Rotary Club mug at their foreheads. I haven't tried it yet, but I'm fairly confident it would do the trick.

Where 46-year-old Dean Craig of Geneva, Ill. went wrong, in my opinion, is advising his guests in advance that he would set the house on fire if they didn't leave. (This probably elicited a response to the effect of, "Oh Dean, there you go, threatening to set something on fire again! Mind if we make some long-distance calls?") Instead, he should have excused himself to get more drinks, then ignited the kitchen while they weren't looking.

OK, you got me -- I stole that idea from Martha Stewart.

7 comments:

Debra Hamel said...

God, that is brilliant.

I know second hand of a couple who regularly rid themselves of guests by saving for the end of the evening a trip out to the yard to see...something: a garden or greenhouse, doesn't really matter. Of course, once the guests were out the door, coats on and all, there was no reason to readmit them to the premises....

Mollenkamp said...

It's a great idea. I wonder where I left my matches.

SierraBella said...

To keep overnight visits short, we lead the way down to the guest room which is a converted garage explaining we need to check for that darn bat which keeps coming inside...

SFChick74 said...

I like the straightforward, "It's time for you to leave." approach myself.

andym said...

See, I'm overweight enough that if I just threaten my lingering guests with a hint of nudity, they scramble to their cars before I can offer them their coats. Arson seems so permanent compared to that. Americans can be so extreme sometimes.

Nice blog, sir! Keep up the great work!

Terri said...

Personally I like the, "Let's go to bed, dear... maybe these people want to go home" approach.

robert sobieraj said...

productive...