Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Also cut was the part
where Al Roker hip-checked
him off his stool


What do you know about being in boxes, Matt?
I've been in boxes, OK? Have you ever been in a box, Matt?


Tom Cruise quotes edited out of the Matt Lauer interview:
  • "I know anthropology, Matt. I've been on digs, OK? Have you ever dug anything up, Matt?"
  • "Please, Matt, Don't try to tell me about bocce. I know bocce, OK? I played in high school, Matt, I didn't just sit around talking about it. Did you ever play bocce, Matt? Or do you just talk about it on TV?"
  • "Don't talk to me about 'Desperate Housewives,' Matt. Have you ever even watched the show? Because I've watched the show, Matt. And for you to insinuate that Bree is a sympathetic character ... You're very glib, Matt. Very, very glib. And facile. Glib and facile. Matt."
  • "Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt. Do you even know what's in Twinkies, Matt? Have you ever done a chemical analysis of that cream filling? Because that's what I did. I rented a lab in New Jersey and tested that cream filling myself. Until you've tested that cream filling Matt, I don't think it's responsible for you to be on the Today show talking about Twinkies."
  • "Now I'd like to jump up and down and sing a little love song about Katie. No, Matt. My Katie, not your trampy co-host. Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt."

Matt Lauer quote left out of the interview:

  • Why don't you go &%$@!, you spoiled &%$@! rich &%$@!

34 comments:

DJ Theo said...

Totally...

Meg said...

Once again you have made me laugh... and once again I almost spit out my coffee :)

Thanks I need that morning giggle!

Cherilyn Ferroggiaro said...

Haha...excellent!

smudge said...

Makes me want to go get a fake press pass and a bottle of water and head for the red carpet. Nah how about a whole truck load of evian down a narrow alley?

Bloguita said...

hilarious!!

Mona said...

Very interesting...and funny.

Melanie said...

Okay this is what i wanna say: yep Matt shoulda said that. too bad about those pesky FCC regulations. Shut up Tom. Is ME the only word you can utter? No one really cares about "your" Katie, or your relationships with the world. at least i don't. its ALL a grand illusion. and you are just paparazzi shark bait.

what i am sticking to...
you are a funny funny man! thanks for the laughs.

Chris said...

Did Tom really have the cream filling of twinkies analyzed? Because... that is funny.

Jen said...

I forget. Is it scientology or cruisology? Is there a difference?

marrie said...

Now that's funny!

wasssa said...

Don't talk to me about making a complete ass out of myself Matt. I KNOW about how to make an ass out of myself. I've worked my ENTIRE career to do that. I've learned from the masters, like Dennis Miller, Alec Baldwin, and Corey Feldman. Do you even know who Corey Feldman is Matt? I bet you don't. You know what?!? Just.....just talk to the hand Matt. Talk to the hand.

jb3ll3 said...

Tom Cruise is so damn full of himself these days I can't believe he wears the same size jeans!

Maethelwine said...

I don't live in the States any more, so can someone help me out? Is there any general agreement on when we can expect Tom to begin seizing his interviewers and devouring them on camera, pausing periodically to flash a dazzling, blood-spattered grin at all of us at home? Thanks for the help.

Jamie said...

Well that explains a lot. Tom's been so busy studying the fields of psychiarty and pharmacology, that he hasn't had time to learn how to be a good actor.

A Cranky Old Jew said...

That was really funny, Chianca. Do you even know how funny it was? 'Cause I know about &*^% like that. I've watched several sitcoms in my day, so I know what funny is. Don't talk to me about funny. *Coughs, spits, and pulls hamster out of coat pocket and proceeds to swallow it whole*

Much love,
Fromstein

shay v. said...

Now, now...aren't we all just being a bit hard on tom? I mean he certainly seems to know what he's talking about...
IN AN ALTERNATE REALITY!!@@@@@@@
it bites my ass the GALL this man has! Tom...you know S*@t about
s*%t so shut the HELL up. When you get your degrees, give us your opinions but until then, stick to acting (which you don't do very well anymore either)!

Cindy St. Onge said...

Who ever said psychotic breaks aren't funny?

That was great.

rowena said...

Hot damn! Oh god, my stomach hurts so much ow.....Muahahahhaha!

Burt said...

lol, too funny.

buddy_mclean said...

The only thing missing from tiny Tommy's tiny box is a tiny sofa so tiny Tommy can jump up and down on it and smash his tiny head on the tiny top of the tiny box.

Tom should of said...

i am an enigma...
you have to understand that time is relative... what has been weeks for you has only been hours for me...

i am struggling for content... what do you think i should say... who are you...where in this small world are you located...what do you want from me... as a person, are you satisfied with you life at the moment... are you happy... do you know the meaning of your existence... what is it... think of what you want in life and work back from there... people are a lot meaner than you think... the only escape is death... there is only nothingness after death, no heaven, no hell, no reincarnation, just black... religion is the opiate of the masses... god is dead... what do you believe in... is there a point to any of this...

aim for a happy life filled with prosperity because this is all there is
regards the young republican

amanda said...

you are a comedic genius.

Claire said...

Loved it! Thanks.

an american said...

very good

CircadianRhythm said...

That was awesome!

Thank you for a much needed laugh. :)

Chaim said...

thats hysterical. lol

Stan Dupenschout said...

too funny

Zija said...

Zija = drink life in

Bar Bar A said...

Hilarious

Christine said...

You SO totally ROCK, dude! It occurs to me that Saint Thomas's recent outbursts fall into the category of "Methinks he doth protest too much!" Personally, I think that our former Top Gunner is LOADED up to the gills with the very psychotropic medications he professes to shun. Perhaps his so-called belief in Scientology is a front and he is, in reality, practicing the dark arts as we speak.

desertdiamond said...

omg...that is sooo funny, thanks I needed that laugh. Just makes him look more idiotic, which isn't too difficult these days.

Sam I Am said...

I fell out of my chair ,I laughed so hard ,Thank you ,needed it

Malchiah said...

I stole your post, but only because I liked it. And I linked to you, so that makes everything better, right?

KCWhat said...

>>>Because that's what I did. I rented a lab in New Jersey and tested that cream filling myself<<<

Well, there's the problem. He tested them in Jersey.

And thanks to Tom, Matt Lauer now hates his name