Friday, June 10, 2005
Get some exercise! Unlike
their chickens, which are in
pens the size of a Filet o' Fish box
Look, Susie! I can still kick the ball, despite having
just ingested the equivalent of 12 pounds of lard!
In the good news-bad news department: The good news is that, according to a press release from McDonald's corporate headquarters, "Ronald McDonald is expanding his role as a global ambassador of fun, fitness and children's well-being. McDonald's® Chief Happiness Officer™ Ronald® is inspiring and encouraging kids and families around the world to eat well and stay active, or as he likes to say, 'it's what i eat and what i do™ ... i'm lovin' it.™'" The bad news is, McDonald's is still turning our nation's children into bloated freaks who sweat grease from every pore. So it's kind of a toss-up.
I'll admit that on the one hand, I have very fond memories of McDonald’s from my youth, when I could eat an entire Quarter Pounder in three minutes in a moving car and be left with nothing more than a satisfied, meaty feeling. But that memory stands in direct contrast to what happened a few weeks ago, when I ate a handful of fries and almost immediately felt like someone had shellacked the inside of my cheeks with Crisco.
I keep going there, however, because I have kids, and McDonald’s has the Happy Meal. This is the meal that comes with a little plastic toy — even the finest restaurants don’t give you one of those.
Anyway, when you see the new commercials featuring Ronald "playing basketball with NBA superstar Yao Ming," I hope it encourages you to go out and do something healthy. Like hand a whupping to a freakish man-clown.