'And while you're at it kids, stay faithful, and never lie under oath!'

You gonna finish that?

Yes, you heard right, Bill Clinton is battling obesity. No, not his own -- he's had that pretty much under control since his doctors found his arteries were blocked by entire Filets o' Fish, including the styrofoam boxes. Instead, he's planning to promote healthy eating habits in children and encourage them to exercise. He figures this is a good way to meet single mothers.

Disclaimer: I'd still take him over our current president in a heartbeat.