Although for some reason, Bob Iger isn't returning his calls

It was bound to happen sooner or later: Michael Jackson is job hunting. I know, because he sent this blog his resume:

MICHAEL JACKSON
Somewhere in Bahrain
kingofpop@gmail.com

Objective: To obtain a position that would utilize my many skills, including building fake theme parks, walking backwards while making it look like I'm walking forward, and dangling babies from balconies.

Experience: Released 17 No. 1 pop singles; was named "King of Pop" by myself; creeped out world with freaky public marriage with Elvis' daughter; developed several long, meaningful, non-physical (although they may or may not have involved liquor and porno magazines) relationships with young boys; beat the rap.

References: Ahmed Abu Bakr Janahi, "theme park developer" (not a terrorist); Thomas Mesereau, attorney; Bubbles; Johnnie Cochran (deceased).

Limitations: Please, no work that would put undue strain on my "nose."