I will also strongly consider adding a little 'i' to the front of my name

OK, it seems that Apple made $1 billion in profit in fiscal 2005. Just to put that into perspective, that's more than a million, although still slightly shy of a kajillion. Regardless, it's what economists tend to refer to as a "buttload" of money. And yet, they somehow have not seen their way into sending me a free iPod. Can anyone tell me why that is?

In the interest of moving the process along, I'd like to remind Apple that it would do their company a lot more good if people were to spot me grooving to one of their hip machines than to the 5-year-old Sony Discman I'm currently employing for my portable music needs. But if they need more incentive, I promise once I receive my free iPod I will post the banner ad of their choice on this very blog, and keep it there until I die or the blog is acquired in a hostile corporate takeover, whichever comes first.

Meanwhile, I will continue to work on Plan B, which is to buy one. I just have to convince my wife it's worth going two weeks without groceries first.