The return of my big pen

Every so often I like to check in with my friends at yournovel.com, to see what new offerings they have in terms of personalized romance and detective novels. As you may recall, back in 2008 they put me and my wife Theresa in one, and I haven't been able to stop referring to my "baton" and my "big pen" ever since. Referring of course to ... a baton and a big pen. What? Oh, get your mind out of the gutter.

Anyway, they've got their usual interesting options in their ever-expanding repertoire, including:

• Vampire Rhapsody: "Humans unexpectedly encounter vampires." Isn't that always just how it happens?
• Paris Short Stories: "Ooh La La - 2 Short Stories set in Paris." And if there's not at least one reference to the main character's "Eiffel Tower," you can ask for your money back.
• Sandhills Fore-Play: "A golf-fantasy book." Why should Tiger have all the fun? Although if you're a true golfer, your fantasy will probably involve shooting six under par.

There's also a sequel to the detective novel I appeared in last time, and they were nice enough to send me my own personalized version. This one is called A Reunion to Die For, in which my wife (and fellow private detective) and I get snowed in at a hotel holding a class reunion, and there are crimes committed, and there are lots of scenes in hotel rooms with talk of stick shifts and tent pitching. In fact, bad double entendres must be the first thing they teach you in detective school.

I won't go into detail (a good detective doesn't kiss and tell, or any of the other things they describe me doing in this book and tell), but I will admit it's a kick. And in a detective novel, unlike in real life, like Frank Drebin I can shoot people without getting arrested.