Saturday, March 08, 2008

'College Road Trip' is the worst movie ever made

OK, maybe not the worst movie. But I think any movie featuring Martin Lawrence in full mug-mode, Donny Osmond in any capacity and a pet pig who eats coffee beans and then goes crazy and destroys a wedding reception would have to at least qualify as "bad." (And that pig sequence was not even as funny as I just made it sound, if you can believe it.)

I bring this up because, and I may be sorry I admitted this, I left the theater thinking the movie was actually pretty OK. Raising the question, have my standards really dropped that low? Have I seen so much Disney Channel that my idea of what constitutes a reasonable level of entertainment value has been warped beyond all recognition? Was I just that happy to get the kids out of the house during a nine-hour rainstorm? Well ... Yes, yes and yes.

Also, Donny Osmond was actually pretty funny. Four stars!

Friday, March 07, 2008

There will be geese!

The other day, I received an e-mail with the subject line, “Free video on resolving conflicts with Canada geese.” My initial thought was, of course, what’s the catch? Surely no one is going to just give away an entire video on resolving conflicts with Canada geese.

But as it turns out, it seems the people behind this video — the Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals — care more about Canada geese welfare than they do about making a buck. I know: What’s wrong with these people?

Read all about it in my column here, or better yet, watch Part I of the video below. And college students: If you want to turn it into a drinking game, you may want to try taking a shot every time someone says "poop."

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

You want hope? I'll give you some hope!

The New Republic reports that Hillary has adopted Bruce Springsteen's "Land of Hope and Dreams" as her entrance music, which seems odd given her decidedly anti-hope stance in recent weeks. I guess her hope is realistic, policy-driven, ready-on-day-one kind of hope, as opposed to Obama's hope, which is composed primarily of pixie dust and the hazy mist that rises off unicorns after they bathe.

The comments to this piece are particularly enjoyable (from a Springsteen fan's perspective, not a Clinton-backer's). Like this one:
If Clinton's looking for some Springsteen songs to more accurately sum up the way her campaign's gone so far, might I recommend "I'm Going Down," "Wreck On the Highway," "Lost In The Flood," or "If I Should Fall Behind."

Monday, March 03, 2008

I knew it!!

We do have to worry about being subjugated by an unstoppable robot army! It says so in the Metro West Daily News.
Dispatches from a conference in England indicate we should be worrying about killer robots. "They pose a real threat to humanity," University of Sheffield professor Noel Sharkey told the assembly.

Regular readers know that I've been banging that drum for years, but nobody ever listens. Well, now that I've been proven right, let me be the first to say: I for one welcome our new robot overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted Internet personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground robot parts mines.