When Kirk says, 'Let's get the hell out of here,' I still get misty

Sorry to interrupt, but I'm just bursting with excitement and had to share: I just got, not one, not two, but three personal e-mail messages from Joan Collins! Yes, they were all exactly the same, but I do know that they were each a personal message from Joan Collins, because all three subject lines said, "Personal message from Joan Collins," and the "From" line said "Joan Collins." (Her e-mail address is joancollins @atlanticoptical.co.uk, by the way, for those of you who want to write to her to rave about "Empire of the Ants" [1977].)

But why would Joan Collins be sending a personal message to me, Peter Chianca? I can't recall ever meeting Joan Collins, or having any business dealings with her, or watching any of her movies or TV shows. (Except of course for her guest spot on "Star Trek.") Well, in her personal message she writes, "Just like all my screen and stage characters, I love making a grand entrance. So I simply can't let the launch of my new jewelry collection go by without a personal word to mark the occasion." OK, but I find it surprising that she'd take time to write me about this, and I didn't hear word one from her when she got that guest spot on "Guiding Light."

Then I read the kicker: "It would be wonderful if you would pass on the news to your readers. Eddie Deutsch in NY can fill you in on all the details for the attached Press Release." Oh, so that's how it's going to be, is it, Joan? Entice me with your "personal message" and then shill for some cheap press. How could you?

Now I know how Peter Holme felt ....