Now, this won't hurt a bit, Mr. Vice President

This just in: Doctors had to administer electrical shocks to Vice President Dick Cheney this afternoon to correct an irregular heartbeat discovered during a routine physical. Normally a "low-risk" procedure, doctors in this case apparently ran into unsuspected problems and had to shock Cheney more than 30 times. "He took it like a man," said Dr. Zayd Eldadah, an electrophysiologist and director of cardiac arrhythmia research at Washington Hospital Center, adding that Cheney remained stoic even after they had to attach the electrodes to his nipples, his ears and his private area. "But then when we tied him to a board and poured water on his face, he sang like a canary."