Of course, it's no secret that those lo-rise briefs are too freakin' tight

Five secrets about the upcoming movie "Superman Returns":

1. Fortress of Solitude? Actually a matte painting.
2. Critics already calling Marlon Brando's performance "his best post-death work."
3. Al Gore turns up to explain how Kryptonite caused by global warming.
4. Fanboys pan special effects, saying that none of them compare to the sight of Valerie Perrine's bosoms (above).
5. Superman? Actually not gay.