Wednesday, December 16, 2009

AT LARGE Fake News Wednesday: Gingerbread Man Eaten After 3-County Kill Spree

HORSESHOE BEND, IDAHO (CAP) - A gingerbread man who came miraculously to life in the oven of a little old woman Saturday has been subdued and eaten following a three-county killing spree.

"Apparently the little old woman thought she'd make a gingerbread man," recounted Boise County Sheriff Karl Herrmann, reading from police reports. "She rolled out the dough, and cut out the shape, and she put raisins for his eyes, and peppermints for his teeth, and put icing on his head for the hair. Then she put him in the oven, and when it smelled good, she opened up the door to take a peek and out jumped the gingerbread man, allegedly."

According to the reports, the woman - whose name is being withheld pending notification of family members - called out Stop! Stop, little gingerbread man! I want to eat you!, at which point the gingerbread man beat her to death with her own rolling pin.

"Can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!" he reportedly yelled over her prone body before escaping into the Boise National Forest.

The gingerbread man was sighted numerous times over the next few days at area farms and dwellings, according to Sheriff Herrmann, who said each encounter followed a similar pattern.

"Typically the victim, upon spotting the suspect, would declare something to the effect of Stop! Stop little gingerbread man! I want to eat you!" explained Herrmann. "Then the gingerbread man would bludgeon the individual with whatever farming implement was available at the time, or his bare hands."

Victims included a pig, a dog, a cow, a horse and at least one unfortunate Amway representative, according to Herrmann.

The attacks prompted police to issue the following warning Sunday: "WANTED: Escaped gingerbread man. Considered extremely dangerous. If you see him, do not tell him to stop and that you want to eat him; instead, notify authorities immediately."

[Read the rest at CAP News.]

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