Thursday, December 27, 2012

IN AND OUT 2013: News & Politics

Another year has come and gone. But what have we really learned about what’s in and what’s out in news, politics, entertainment, sports and life in general? Sit back over the next few days and let us school you on what’s hot and what’s not as we enter 2013. And yes, getting schooled is in.


In: Arithmetic

Former President Bill Clinton – who is, incidentally, perennially in – cited the importance of arithmetic in his remarks at the Democratic National Convention, and it turns out he was right: Sometimes, numbers do add up! Adding up is in.

The primary example of this is President Barack Obama, who will be back in the White House for four more years. The poll numbers said he would win, and then he got a higher number of votes than Mitt Romney – and amazingly, that resulted him being reelected president. At least it was amazing to Mitt Romney and the GOP, who seemed to be basing their entire campaign on imaginary numbers that only they could see. Imaginary numbers are out.

Elsewhere in Washington, crunching numbers to avoid going over the “fiscal cliff” is in. By the time you read this, I’m sure our elected officials will have come up with an effective compromise that benefits everyone. Yes, being delusional is in.

Numbers are also playing a role in the weather: As the temperature continues to tick up degree by degree, like somebody lit a Sterno can under it, the weather continues to go progressively insane. As a result, superstorms are in. Plain, old regular storms are out. Going to bed with a reasonable certainty that your house won’t wash away in the night: also out.

Tweets have been multiplying exponentially, meaning Twitter is the in source of information, both from mainstream media sources and Kim Kardashian. Although being able to tell the difference between the two of those is out.

Unfortunately, waiting a second or two before Tweeting whatever pops into your head is out – just ask indiscriminate Tweeters like rich guy/birther Donald Trump and R&B singer/girlfriend abuser Chris Brown. Being rich, being a birther, being a girlfriend abuser: all out. R&B singers are still in, except for Chris Brown.

The number of people supporting the legalization of same-sex marriage and marijuana keeps going up and up, meaning those are both very much in – especially in Washington state, where they’re now BOTH legal. We know that somewhere, state namesake George “Cheech” Washington and his secret lover James Madison are smiling.

OUT: Communications and Language Arts

Actual communication using reasonable language seems to be out, particularly in Congress, where “reaching across the aisle” has come to refer to elected officials attempting to throttle each other. Elected officials are out, but not enough of them.

Mitt Romney failed to speak to people as people, preferring instead to address them like large, pliable focus groups or, in the case of 47 percent of the population, not at all. As a result, Mitt is out and the 47 percent are in. (And still waiting for our “gifts” from President Obama, thank you very much. Gifts are in!)

And many male Republican candidates also eschewed actual, sensible language in attempting to communicate with women, instead apparently opting to rely on an anatomy textbook written in the 1950s by 12-year-olds. They are, mercifully, now out. Women, however, are in: There are 20 of them in the U.S. Senate, and Hillary Clinton is the most popular person, well, anywhere, ever. Hillary may remain in right through 2016.

No matter who’s in Washington, though, talking about the aforementioned climate and weather changes seems to be out – and by the time it comes back in, Washington may be underwater. Water is in a lot of places where it used to be out, whether we want it there or not.

Hostess executives opted to pull the plug on the operation (while taking big, cream-filled bonuses) rather than talking with the unions, so Twinkies are – inconceivably – out. Little Debbie is in, though, and she’ll bring back the white straw cowboy hat with stampede string as a fashion accessory if it’s the last thing she does.

Apparently talking to your wife is out but talking (and doing other things) to your biographer and/or “unpaid social liaison” is in, at least if you’re a decorated general. (Liaisoning is in, and turning nouns into verbs – a.k.a. “verbing” – is also in.) For the non-decorated, un-biographied types, communicating with your spouse is still in. Especially via text message. Texting is still in. ;)

Finally, the one place where it’s still in to communicate your innermost feelings, as well as your every move and those of your children and pets, is on Facebook. But actually paying for a little piece of Facebook is out: Its stock tanked this year, turning Mark Zuckerberg into a multi-billionaire instead of a multi-multi-billionaire. Quantifying your billions is out.

Tomorrow: In and Out in Entertainment

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