In what I'm fairly sure is not a joke, climate-change debunker Grassfire.org is launching the first-ever "Carbon Belch Day" on June 12. This is the day they'd like every American to emit so much carbon that you will actually be able to see it rising over the landscape like a giant carbon mushroom cloud. They didn't say that exactly, but I'm betting there would be high-fives all around over at Grassfire headquarters if it happened.
According to Grassfire.org President Steve Elliott, the Carbon Belch "will be symbolic of our release from the absurdity of green extremism." Elliott says that "you can increase your carbon belch simply by hosting a barbecue, going for a drive, watching television, leaving a few lights on, or even smoking a few cigars." As long as you do it in Al Gore's general direction.
Anyway, you can calculate the best way for you to unleash your maximum carbon potential using their Carbon Belch Calculator. (And no blaming it on the dog, because we know it was you.) As for me, I'm going to expel my carbon the old-fashioned way: by burning 2.5 billion tons of coal.